Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
