You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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