so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
