Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
