someone threw a dead crab at me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
