I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
