Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
