i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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