She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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