and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Everything about him screamed your future.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Houston, we have a blender
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
