Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
