A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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