Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
MIDGETS
????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
