it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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