i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
