the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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