ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
