I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
