I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
