I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
