tell your sister to shave her snatch
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
