I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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