If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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