..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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