There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
