you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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