capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
