Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
