Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
