Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
smell my finger.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
