Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
