It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
