I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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