currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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