He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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