It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
