Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
