oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
