Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
