I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
