How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
