My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When are your genitals available?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
