awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
