Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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