I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
