my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
