Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
