if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
