She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
