I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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