i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
