Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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