was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
