There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
