Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
