Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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