A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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