Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
