he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
