the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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