y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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