Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
