I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm jealous of your bromance
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
