Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The air was thick with penises
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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