i permit you to call me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
