i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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